I never said I was a saint...but why not try to be?

Today was Day 1 of early morning daily devotional with my husband. Although we read the Bible together almost everyday, today was the first time we got up at 6:15am for no other reason than to read the Word together. It was beautiful. I know we started our day off right.

After we read today's scripture readings, we discussed how God's Word applies in our daily lives and the struggles we're faced with. We got on the subject of persecution we're both experiencing from friends. It's tough to be ignored by those who were once near and dear to us. Add on to that the harassing comments from those who don't understand what we're trying to accomplish.

My husband and I are actively involved with Umphress Road United Methodist Church. We and other church members are racking our brains trying to raise funds to build a $1million sanctuary for this church that so desperately needs to be rebuilt. For the past couple of years, I have stood right by my husband in his efforts as the church's building committee leader. I have made it a point to support him, support the church and to involve myself in the work he's doing. I've been so bold as to speak fervently in front of the congregation about my own passions and visions for the new church building...as daunting of a task as it may seem. What makes my efforts so bold is that people see me as imperfect (and I truly am imperfect) and to them, I'm the last person to ever preach to the crowd based on my recent history of mistakes.

I have been publicly scorned for choosing to live righteously although I'm as human as any other sinner. I have become a social outcast in certain groups who choose to be seduced by the sin rather than being open minded to my intentions to make things right moving forward. It's been a spiritual struggle that empowers me to take the road less traveled. A few months ago I decided to change my heart and no longer follow the path to soulful destruction. I am no longer in control, and I will now submit to the Almighty rather than to rely on myself and to succumb to their worldly opinions.

They want a rise out of me. They want to see me suffer. They want nothing but unhappiness in my heart because THEY feel I deserve that. But who are they to judge me? Who are they to judge my past mistakes? Who are they to persecute me? Only God knows my heart and only God can be THE judge.

My husband has supported me through thick and thin. It is through his own faith in Christ that he is able to look beyond the pain to see the reward of perseverance. He makes me realize that those who rely on worldly desire may struggle with the sanctity of redemption and salvation in Christ Jesus alone. But for those who choose to accept that this life is not our own to control, empowerment and unyielding strength will prevail. I trust in the Lord and only in Christ I find strength.

The Lord does not want me to suffer. The Lord will bless me with eternal happiness. In fact, despite the chaos in our lives, we have received blessings and gifts so great they can only be heaven sent. My very wise cousin, Daniel once said that if you choose to live life the right way, then everything you dream of will fall into place. In the Word, we are taught that if we follow Christ, what we feel we truly deserve will be given to us. Amen to that!

To those individuals who have chosen to judge my heart through my past actions, I am sorry for having hurt you. I am sorry that you're left utterly confused and I'm aware that you may not know how to handle me after realizing I was capable of such a heinous crime. But I pray that you find forgiveness in your heart and you open your mind to see the beauty of faith, redemption and perseverance.

I never said I was a saint. But I will continually strive for perfection. I'm learning more and more that in this life, if we're not trying to become saints then we're doing nothing at all.

How can I be used?

God has blessed me with insurmountable talents. HE gave me gifts of communication and influence, creative passions, music, athleticism, strong health, and a growing sense of wisdom in spirituality.

There are so many things I can do -- few of which I can do extremely well. I know God strategically blessed me with gifts to be used for some life-altering purpose. But what the heck is it? How am I supposed to be used to serve HIS greater purpose?

Look at the late Michael Jackson. This past weekend was a time of remembrance for the greatest entertainer that ever lived. I heard an interview he conducted on-air a while back. He said nothing in his life was done without him first asking God to guide him in every step and in every decision. He always asked God to lead the way. He also never wanted his subconscious to overcome his wisdom and faith in God. He had faith God would show him how he could be used to touch the lives of people all over the world. He knew God blessed him with a gift of music and dance to give the people what they want. He used his talents as a means to strive for perfection. He claimed in his interview that he had yet to reach perfection. But he never stopped trying -- even in his final days on earth.

Michael is an inspiration. He inspired me to question how I can be used for a much greater purpose. What am I meant to do with these awesome talents God has blessed me with? I want to do something HUGE...but I have NO clue what that's supposed to be.

This is how I feel, honestly...

I am so disappointed in my lack of creative inspiration. I've always thought I was a gifted writer with a warmth in my words I so movingly captured. But right now, I'm suffering from intense writer's block. I have so many important things to share and countless life lessons are teaching me how to be better than I have ever tried to be. I have a wealth of knowledge and wisdom I've gained that I want to share. But it's overwhelming. I'm overwhelmed. So many thoughts plague me but I can't find the words to convey just how meaningful my new life has become.

I have so many wonderful praises, concerns, hurts, fears and joys that I wish I can share. Although I have a million words to write, I can't quite put a single thought down to where it makes any sense.

I'm stunted in my own creative passions. I don't sing anymore. I don't dance anymore and I surely don't write out my heart as much as I once did. I am working towards becoming this beautiful being that God created. I am happy being me -- but I don't know how to tell you.

My "I" Story

I have owned and operated a Mary Kay business since November 2008. I was hesitant to get involved because my mother practically raised me to run away from all of those cake-faced, big-haired, blue eye shadow-wearing, Pepto Bismol-pink Cadillac-driving crazy ladies. Lo and behold...I aspire to be as hugely successful as those women are.

My message to you all -- don't knock til you try it! I firmly believed I was the last person on earth to have started a Mary Kay business. I have a professional background in marketing and PR in technology, sports and entertainment. Makeup was the last thing I ever wanted to base a career on. But guess what, folks?! Mary Kay isn't all about slinging lipstick on your back and knocking on doors from dusk til dawn to make a living! This highly lucrative and lifestyle changing career is about so much more!

I have come from a very fortunate and thriving professional background and I'm skeptical when it comes to those multi-level marketing/pyramid scheme opportunities. I always believed working for someone else and fulfilling their company's goals and missions was going to make me successful and wealthy. Praise God...I learned early on that I was so wrong!

I graduated from the University of North Texas Cum Laude with a degree in Journalism. I knew early on what I was meant to do in the corporate world. Straight out of college, I worked in a glamorous PR position then was personally hired by a self-made billionaire entrepreneur to implement marketing strategies for his start-up businesses. Looking back, I've had it pretty darn good -- in fact -- many can say I had the "dream jobs."

I've worked a total of 5+ years in those 2 professional capacities. Although it appeared I had it all, my heart truly wasn't fulfilled. In the last "dream job," I admit, I was under utilized yet over allocated. I was spread out way too thin yet my talents and my potential were never truly being challenged. Everyone's perception of my day-to-day reality was so skewed. No one will ever understand how miserable I became knowing how much more I could have been doing if only I had come across an opportunity that wasn't just a dream job -- more like an opportunity that pushed me to achieve a dream life. Then I learned about the Mary Kay marketing opportunity. I heard about the business model and I learned about how quickly I can become my own boss and determine my own financial destiny.

Allow me to dispel a few misconceptions. Mary Kay is NOT a multi-level marketing business nor is it a pyramid scheme. In Mary Kay, my commission checks are made payable to me from Mary Kay Corporate and I don't take money away from my working team members. I have already surpassed my recruiter, which is something you can't do in a multi-level marketing structure. Mary Kay isn't a pyramid scheme -- those are illegal and may wind you up in jail! Mary Kay isn't just for uneducated stay-at-home moms who have too much time on their hands. Mary Kay isn't meant for natural-born salespeople. Mary Kay isn't just about home parties and playing with makeup and all things dainty and pink. Please hear my heart -- Mary Kay is about so much more.

Thanks to Mary Kay, I was able to retire myself out of the corporate world to operate my own business. It's nice to know the harder I work, the more I get paid. I decided that the Mary Kay opportunity was perfect for me. I learned that in order to become massively successful in the way I wanted to be a success, I had to work for myself!

I was tired of putting my blood, sweat and tears into something that took me away from thoughts of starting a family, serving the church and living life to the fullest. I used to work 'round the clock nearly 7 days a week stressed out with nervous anxiety each time an email came through. I learned that I could have all of these high profile accomplishments if I give myself to a profession that expected nothing less than work, work, work. I learned that in order to be successful in the company I was at, I had to put aside any hopes of becoming a mother so I can concentrate on me, me, me. I learned that job defined me and never forced me take a hard look at who I wanted to be and who God intended me to be.

So again, I praise God for the introduction of the Mary Kay business opportunity into my life. For those like me who have choosen to become actively involved in operating our own businesses under the Mary Kay corporate structure, we must adhere to the following:

Serve God first.
Serve family second.
Serve career third.

This is how life should be. It's right, it's not self-serving, it's about being a part of something that's bigger than you. Mary Kay gave me the opportunity to make God my business partner. Mary Kay has taught me lifelong lessons that no other cubicle-structured, politically organized corporate environment could provide. I have been pushed in this business not only professionally but also spiritually and personally. Taking God as my business partner has provided wealth in wisdom...which is what I've needed my entire life. I love the Christ-centered woman I have become. I love that I can share my faith to others in this business. I love that I have earned money to afford my family and friends luxuries I never could have afforded working in that J-O-B. I love how much this business has changed my life for the better.

I praise God for an open mind and an open heart to learn about this business. If I never got into Mary Kay, I wouldn't know how to be the wife my husband deserves. I've learned a new appreciation for family life and can now be at home to fulfill my wifely duties. I enjoy the simple things of home now. There's an extreme sense of satisfaction and reward knowing that my husband has less menial things to worry about and he'll always have freshly ironed shirts to wear to work. I love that I have more time to play with my three lovable pups. Most of all, I love that I can now make my life's goal to be an amazing wife and one day a loving mother. Who knew that I would ever want kids?! It's interesting to admit that Mary Kay is what brought me here. Mary Kay is what taught me life isn't just about me. I love this new woman I have become and appreciating the much finer, more simple beautiful things in this life.

Praise God for Mary Kay. I love my job!