Forgive me, Father for I have sinned

Today's daily devotional made me take a hard look at myself. The Word made me look back on who I was and what I was doing wrong. I will be first to admit that I suffered from a spiritual condition that afflicted my service, my efforts and how everyone perceived me.

In the past couple of years, I have made an effort to not only serve the church but also stand in front of the church as someone who was righteous and good. Like the Pharisees in Matthew 15, I was always quick to serve in the church, quick to instruct everyone around me, but my heart was far from God. I was living a double life and at the time, no one knew.

Now the secret's out, and I must humbly apologize to everyone I blind-sided. I was doing good but for the wrong reason. I was serving others rather than serving the Lord. I made it about all me when it all should have been about Him. I was selfish in my perceived selflessness.

I can't say I was fully focusing on the Lord back then. Sure I knew He was there, but I didn't always keep my heart centered on holiness. Sure I was doing good works, but that wasn't enough. I fooled myself into thinking that people must have looked up at me on the pedestal I created and thought to themselves, "she's so perfect and good because of the works she does."

Looking back, I'm so ashamed. Only now I understand that God doesn't expect perfection. He only wants our hearts. I was so busy striving for the "image" of perfection. What a facade! What a phony! Never was my heart truly where it needed to be -- serving for the Lord and only Him. I wasn't supposed to serve the people, my family or any other onlookers. I wasn't supposed to serve for my own self-interest or personal gain. My service and my heart should have been in one place...centered and focused on Him.

Father, forgive me. Back then I knew not what I was doing wrong. But now, I'm doing the work and making it a point to make it all about Him. Like the billboard says, I am second. Only when my heart is centered on Him will everything just fall rightfully into place.