Faith

I have a numbing sensation inside -- it's a pain deeply realized
Y'all think I've got it together
My smiling strength makes it seem so
Little do you know what plagues me during the most lonely night
It's realizing I've been wrong, done NO right
I fight each day just to recognize this ain't for me
It's for him and to HIM that I must apologize

You see when I appear at my most collected
I'm truly going by faith to keep me spiritually directed
You'll never know the pain, the hurt nor the humiliating shame
Go ahead and point fingers, I am truly to blame
But as I spiral in and out of hopeless self-doubt
HE convinces my heart to stay faithfully sane.

A Fruitful Prayer

I praise God for showing me the way to Mr. Juan's road to financial freedom.

Below is Juan's prayer posted at http://tops5450.wordpress.com/. I hope he doesn't mind that I keep it close to my heart as well.

Today I ask You to bless me so I may become a blessing.
Lord, I commit myself to enrich others.
But because I cannot give what I do not have, I
commit my self to become rich.
I commit myself to serve You and to serve the poor
with my wealth.
Today, I open myself to the abundance of Your universe.
Use me as Your channel of love.
Give me the ability to create wealth that will bless the world.
Increase my financial wisdom and expand my territories.
I place my life in Your arms. Amen

A Great Blog to Follow

For those educated, hard-working professionals in their 20-somethings, I highly encourage you visit the following blogs for financial nourishment. Hang on...these two aren't just for nourishment. Simple statements posted within these sites are a freakin' wake up call to those who are clueless. I can't say I'm clueless, but at least I'm getting off my butt to get a freakin' clue.

Check out Mark Cuban's Blogmaverick (wwww.blogmaverick.com) and some random guy named Juan sharing his road to financial freedom via http://tops5450.wordpress.com. These two know their S#@% and can teach you to become massively successful. After all, don't we all want to be rich in this life?

I visit MC's blog regularly since there is always information that I can apply to my own lifestyle choices. A great post of his was entitled, "How to Get Rich Part 1A." The content stopped me dead in my tracks. Speak on it, MC! What you say totally goes...afterall, you're a freakin' self-made billionaire! You talk like this 'cause you can back it up!

Guess what, people...the first step you can take to becoming financially wealthy is to save, save and save some more. You have to form a discipline within yourself to cook rather than go out for dinner or to make coffee in your Cuisinart rather than grab A Venti White Chocolate Mocha at Starbucks for a whopping $4. Get a clue, guys. Spending here and there won't make you any wealthier. It all freakin' adds up! I gotta quote MC for only he can put it so eloquently as he stated, "When everyone was following the crowd, they (today’s disgustingly wealthy individuals) kept on saving their money and avoiding the temptation of groupthink." Let that marinate and reflect upon your own daily spending habits.

Did you know that if you spend using a credit card, you don't truly want to be rich?! That's MC's mentality and it hit me so unbelievably hard. When I was in the working world, I used credit cards to rack up advantage points for either cash rewards and/or airline miles. It took my wonderfully patient husband to make me realize cash is king, and I was only digging myself into a bigger financial hole of debt. Today, we live on cash. I'm embarrassed to say we're still paying off my credit card debts because for a couple of years, I let myself get carried away. What an ignorant little girl I was. I didn't realize spending something like $50 on a credit card was like spending $125 with the accruing interest. Those numbers may be way off, but you get the point...I hope.

What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?

I received an email from a dear friend -- he has continually been a solid rock of spirituality for my husband and I. I plan to read a book suggested by this dear friend entitled, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas



I have yet to order it so I can read it along with my husband. The book explores how marriage could possibly have been made to make both partners holy rather than to live happily ever after. Amen I say to that!

For those who don't know, I had a fairy-tale dream wedding and I married the man of my dreams on November 17, 2007. We dated for 7 years before he popped the question and we were the sweetest of high school sweethearts...in my opinion. I knew I was meant to marry this man years and years before he asked for my hand.





Little does everyone know that this seemingly perfect union has been a struggle for both of us. We've encountered challenges well beyond our years; we've experienced losing loved ones and even our own baby-to-be; we're constantly tested with worldly temptations like everyone else. This marriage is not so picture-perfect after all, and we've accepted that and are working to make this more holy than fulfilling a fairytale happy ending.

My husband and I for the first time have turned to the Word for marriage counseling from a Christian perspective. Junior and I have had the most difficult past few months in our relationship. I've caused him a lot of pain and have even experienced unbelievable pain myself when I miscarried. We've had a lot of growing up to do in these past few months. I am blessed to say that we're working so hard to grow up together spiritually. In order for our relationship to be as amazing as it can be, we have turned to the Bible to lead our lives.

I always thought that submission to a man was a sign of weakness and meant that I could no longer be self-sufficient. I understand now that mentality was a bunch of bull. In the Bible, I've learned that wives must submit to the husbands. The husbands are our providers, protectors and basically they rule and own our homes. I have learned it is my role as a loving wife to be a follower of Christ. The only way to truly live a Christian life as a loving wife is to submit to your husband.

For the first time, I'm totally dependent on my man. I am no longer a working professional in the corporate world. We're a single income family with only my self-owned business contributing with commission checks. Every purchase I make, I ask him first. Every investment decision I am forced to make, I consult him first. That's the way it should have been from the start. That's the way it will always be moving forward. The money I make is ours. The money he makes is ours. The financial responsibilities that exist are both of our burdens to manage responsibly. When I was in the working world and even as a newlywed, I didn't understand that.

I adore my grandmother who currently is suffering with severe episodes of dementia. But what I'll never forget is her humor which we must all be forgiving of since she was never raised to know any better. She always entertained her grandchildren when speaking of marriage and her stubborn beliefs. She would say in her marriage to my late grandfather that what was hers was hers and what was his was also hers. The grand kids would always laugh at that...but with nervous laughter since it was so wrong. But for some reason, I let her ignorant convictions influence my own marriage. When I was working in that J-O-B I saw every incoming paycheck as MY contribution rather than it being our collective efforts to sustain our financial debts. I believed the money I made was MY money. The money he made was HIS. I was so wrong.

Marriage is a partnership and everything becomes one. You may be sitting here thinking, well duh! But for me, it took lessons learned to fully grasp that concept. Now, we do our budgeting together and every dollar spent is never done without his knowledge and approval. That was my first step into submission, and praise God for that.

Submission does not make me less than self-sufficient. Submissions makes me the wife God intended me to be. Submission makes me play the role I married into. Submission is first in order to have a successful and spiritually fruitful life with my loving husband. It took me over two years of marriage to understand that. It took us a lot of pain and confusion to come to that conclusion. I highly recommend another book, which I consider is THE greatest wedding gift we received. Pick up a copy of The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian.



For those of you who are married...and I have no doubt you were blessed to marry the man of your dreams...I challenge you to look at your own relationship and where you stand in it. Are you submissive? Are you working to make your partnership more holy than happy? Are you striving to follow Christ so only He can guide your marriage? I'm only now beginning to. I dare each of you to do the same. I promise, it will change your world completely.

Dear Mom

I wanted to let you know how truly appreciated you are. Everything you do from cooking to cleaning to playing with the puppies, it's very gracious of you to juggle it all for us. But I really want to thank you for so much more.

God blessed you with a model son. Your son is someone EVERYONE looks up to. My family, my friends, my colleagues (past and present) and acquaintances all know how genuinely selfless your son is. The incredible man you have raised is a reflection of the more incredible mother that raised him. Like the old saying, "behind every strong man is a stronger woman," you are the strength behind Junior's most unshakable character. You have taught him to love unconditionally, give generously and live faithfully.

I will never understand why God blessed me so richly with Junior. I have a lot to learn so I can be the wife he deserves. After all of the mistakes and triumphs, Junior always shows me how much he loves me.

You have raised a true man of God. I am eternally grateful to our Lord for HIS blessings, and I'm forever grateful for the mother he adores. We both look up to you admirably for the many hats you wear every day. Thank you for always putting us first. Thank you for all that you've done. Thank you most especially for your love. Not many people understand true selfless love. You are the epitome of unfailing love.

I praise God for you. If it weren't for your example and for your son, I firmly believe I would be a lost soul. Thank you for all that you do and for so much more. We can never repay you for your kindness, but we're always asking God to.

Lots of love,
Rowena

Opening doors

For once, I'm completely letting go and letting God. In my prayers, I ask HIM to lead me, guide me, open doors for me and show me the way. On Monday, I sat down and thought to myself..."man, oh man how I wish I could be a stylist!"

Apparently, I've developed an appreciation for fashion thanks to my sources of inspiration in the wonderful world of reality TV. Thank you MTV, BRAVO and E! for bringing me a creative outlet to admire...even though it makes me a teenie-bopper as my hubby would say.

I wish I could spend a day in Dash (Miami or Calabassas). Kourtney and Kim, I dig your impeccable taste.



Who knew I would be so inspired to style for celebs? I've even painted my nails an intensely deep burgundy to melodramatic black as another statement piece. I suck down caffeine every morning because I cannot takeover the world without it. Thanks Rachel Zoe! Your branded influence coupled with your love of vintage Chanel and over-sized sunglasses make me a fanatic for your fashion fanaticism.



My husband thinks I have a sick and mindless obsession to reality TV. Well it wasn't until inspiration struck me this week had I realized that no, it's not the mindless drama that happens in reality TV that I find so captivating. It's the clothes that adorn these women that I fantasize about. The "real-life" drama captured in plot twists (realigned in post production) of their media-skewed lives is NOT what keeps me tuning in. I love that they know how good they look, and I want to know how to look as good as them...because I know I can with the proper training.

So...Monday I thought to myself I wish I knew how to pick pieces and put them together in a stylish way. I wanna know how to create a look so I can look my sharpest and most fashionable with hopes that paparazzi can mistake me for some celeb. Yes, that's me in the pic pretending to be VIP outside my pseudo-swank Vegas hotel room. I feel like if you strut it, they (paparazzi) will come.



I have a secret obsession to celebs getting caught off guard while still looking casually chic in the streets.



I want to learn fashion so I can be fashion. In Dallas, fashion speaks volumes. Unfortunately, my humble upbringing never taught me how to speak Prada. So once again, I had these thoughts on Monday...then I prayed about it. I called Club Monaco at the Dallas Galleria to see if they were hiring any part-time "stylists." They confirmed they are. So then I prayed about it some more. I went in to fill out an application and get interviewed by the manager on Tuesday. So I prayed even more. I got a call later on Tuesday with an offer to work very part-time so I can get exposure to fashion and styling while enjoying a hefty employee discount at Club Monaco...my form of couture!



So I sit here still praying...God, what are you trying to prove? Is fashion an avenue I should pursue? I will since YOU seem to be giving me green lights on this for now. We'll see what this does to me...we'll see what this teaches me...we'll see how this will make my own business grow...we'll see how this will challenge me creatively. I'm open to anything and will refuse nothing from HIM. This is another door. We'll see where it leads.

A pain that plagues me

I've grown up a ton in the recent months. For those who don't know, my husband and I are trying for our first child after enduring our first miscarriage in early January. It's been an emotional struggle but a HUGE lesson learned.

Not only was the pain from a natural miscarriage severe, but finding acceptance in the pain was even more of a challenge. Thanks to prayers and support from family and dear friends, we can accept that becoming parents is not for us right now...and that's completely okay.

But can I just be honest? Feeling the baby leave me was the most painful experience of my entire life. I won't go into detail because I hate reliving it.

The doc told me I did nothing wrong. The doc convinced me that scientifically I could not have done anything to have prevented a weak fetal development. Again, the doc repeatedly said I did nothing wrong. But being the thought-provoking woman that I am, in my heart I feel I must have done something else terribly wrong.

There are times I struggle thinking that perhaps a different fate could have twisted the plot in a more positive light. Let me just say I veered off the only path I should have made straight. This detour in my journey got me nowhere good in life. Deep in the pits of my understanding, I believe my heart wasn't completely at peace and this unsettled feeling of concern is what may have caused the complication. My wonderful husband always has to remind me that is not how I'm supposed to think especially in this case.

Thanks to his constant reminders and unfailing love and support, I'm able to shake it off and jump back to my faith in God and realize that I cannot lean on my own understanding and only with HIM can good things come to be.(Proverbs 3:5-8)

So...we're still trying to start a family and still working to strengthen our acceptance that this isn't meant for us in our own time. This WILL happen when it's meant to happen. My want and desires come only second to a grander plan that's already predetermined.

An Emotional Easter

Today is Easter Sunday and praise God for this glorious day in our Christian faith. I wanted to share just how touched I was during service today. The 12-year-old daughter of the music director sang solo and was also accompanied by the church's adult choir. Her voice was so pure and so confident that it blew my mind. I was moved to tears.

Today I experienced true and selfless beauty. I watched this amazing 12-year-old girl sing her heart out in glory to God in front of family, friends and strangers. She stood as this little girl with the big beautiful voice behind the mic. Her talent was unmatched but her angelic voice was not what I remember most. It was the mere fact that she knew she has a God-given talent and shared that talent with all of us.

I was so moved to see this sweet little girl understands her purpose. She knew what she was given and she shared it for others to enjoy as they worship in song and praise. To me, sharing what talents and abilities you have for others to be inspired by is true beauty. You see, our talents are not meant for us to hide or keep for ourselves.

It's no doubt I'm blessed with many riches...and I'm not just talking in the worldly sense. I'm blessed with more gifts than I've ever asked for. The other day a friend told me I'm one of two people that he knows that "stuff" just happens to 'em. He meant good stuff, of course. It's like that ole' saying, "when you give it back in glory to God it comes back 10-fold." It is so very true, and I live by that in my own life. The many blessings I've received and the many experiences I'll forever remember set me apart from most people I know. Again, I'm not referring to these riches in a worldly sense. I'm moving past that to a much higher degree. I'm blessed with riches that can only be understood in faith and love. I'm continually blessed with the true necessities in life. I'm convicted my appetite will always be nourished. I've received gifts that I never knew I needed...and realizing in most cases that these gifts were never even asked for.

You see, I've come to learn that we're all given something for a greater purpose and a greater good than just to entertain ourselves. When we take this gift and share it with others we get something back much greater..."for the one who has will be given more, and he will have more than enough."(Matthew 25:29)