Today was Day 1 of early morning daily devotional with my husband. Although we read the Bible together almost everyday, today was the first time we got up at 6:15am for no other reason than to read the Word together. It was beautiful. I know we started our day off right.
After we read today's scripture readings, we discussed how God's Word applies in our daily lives and the struggles we're faced with. We got on the subject of persecution we're both experiencing from friends. It's tough to be ignored by those who were once near and dear to us. Add on to that the harassing comments from those who don't understand what we're trying to accomplish.
My husband and I are actively involved with Umphress Road United Methodist Church. We and other church members are racking our brains trying to raise funds to build a $1million sanctuary for this church that so desperately needs to be rebuilt. For the past couple of years, I have stood right by my husband in his efforts as the church's building committee leader. I have made it a point to support him, support the church and to involve myself in the work he's doing. I've been so bold as to speak fervently in front of the congregation about my own passions and visions for the new church building...as daunting of a task as it may seem. What makes my efforts so bold is that people see me as imperfect (and I truly am imperfect) and to them, I'm the last person to ever preach to the crowd based on my recent history of mistakes.
I have been publicly scorned for choosing to live righteously although I'm as human as any other sinner. I have become a social outcast in certain groups who choose to be seduced by the sin rather than being open minded to my intentions to make things right moving forward. It's been a spiritual struggle that empowers me to take the road less traveled. A few months ago I decided to change my heart and no longer follow the path to soulful destruction. I am no longer in control, and I will now submit to the Almighty rather than to rely on myself and to succumb to their worldly opinions.
They want a rise out of me. They want to see me suffer. They want nothing but unhappiness in my heart because THEY feel I deserve that. But who are they to judge me? Who are they to judge my past mistakes? Who are they to persecute me? Only God knows my heart and only God can be THE judge.
My husband has supported me through thick and thin. It is through his own faith in Christ that he is able to look beyond the pain to see the reward of perseverance. He makes me realize that those who rely on worldly desire may struggle with the sanctity of redemption and salvation in Christ Jesus alone. But for those who choose to accept that this life is not our own to control, empowerment and unyielding strength will prevail. I trust in the Lord and only in Christ I find strength.
The Lord does not want me to suffer. The Lord will bless me with eternal happiness. In fact, despite the chaos in our lives, we have received blessings and gifts so great they can only be heaven sent. My very wise cousin, Daniel once said that if you choose to live life the right way, then everything you dream of will fall into place. In the Word, we are taught that if we follow Christ, what we feel we truly deserve will be given to us. Amen to that!
To those individuals who have chosen to judge my heart through my past actions, I am sorry for having hurt you. I am sorry that you're left utterly confused and I'm aware that you may not know how to handle me after realizing I was capable of such a heinous crime. But I pray that you find forgiveness in your heart and you open your mind to see the beauty of faith, redemption and perseverance.
I never said I was a saint. But I will continually strive for perfection. I'm learning more and more that in this life, if we're not trying to become saints then we're doing nothing at all.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
How can I be used?
God has blessed me with insurmountable talents. HE gave me gifts of communication and influence, creative passions, music, athleticism, strong health, and a growing sense of wisdom in spirituality.
There are so many things I can do -- few of which I can do extremely well. I know God strategically blessed me with gifts to be used for some life-altering purpose. But what the heck is it? How am I supposed to be used to serve HIS greater purpose?
Look at the late Michael Jackson. This past weekend was a time of remembrance for the greatest entertainer that ever lived. I heard an interview he conducted on-air a while back. He said nothing in his life was done without him first asking God to guide him in every step and in every decision. He always asked God to lead the way. He also never wanted his subconscious to overcome his wisdom and faith in God. He had faith God would show him how he could be used to touch the lives of people all over the world. He knew God blessed him with a gift of music and dance to give the people what they want. He used his talents as a means to strive for perfection. He claimed in his interview that he had yet to reach perfection. But he never stopped trying -- even in his final days on earth.
Michael is an inspiration. He inspired me to question how I can be used for a much greater purpose. What am I meant to do with these awesome talents God has blessed me with? I want to do something HUGE...but I have NO clue what that's supposed to be.
There are so many things I can do -- few of which I can do extremely well. I know God strategically blessed me with gifts to be used for some life-altering purpose. But what the heck is it? How am I supposed to be used to serve HIS greater purpose?
Look at the late Michael Jackson. This past weekend was a time of remembrance for the greatest entertainer that ever lived. I heard an interview he conducted on-air a while back. He said nothing in his life was done without him first asking God to guide him in every step and in every decision. He always asked God to lead the way. He also never wanted his subconscious to overcome his wisdom and faith in God. He had faith God would show him how he could be used to touch the lives of people all over the world. He knew God blessed him with a gift of music and dance to give the people what they want. He used his talents as a means to strive for perfection. He claimed in his interview that he had yet to reach perfection. But he never stopped trying -- even in his final days on earth.
Michael is an inspiration. He inspired me to question how I can be used for a much greater purpose. What am I meant to do with these awesome talents God has blessed me with? I want to do something HUGE...but I have NO clue what that's supposed to be.
This is how I feel, honestly...
I am so disappointed in my lack of creative inspiration. I've always thought I was a gifted writer with a warmth in my words I so movingly captured. But right now, I'm suffering from intense writer's block. I have so many important things to share and countless life lessons are teaching me how to be better than I have ever tried to be. I have a wealth of knowledge and wisdom I've gained that I want to share. But it's overwhelming. I'm overwhelmed. So many thoughts plague me but I can't find the words to convey just how meaningful my new life has become.
I have so many wonderful praises, concerns, hurts, fears and joys that I wish I can share. Although I have a million words to write, I can't quite put a single thought down to where it makes any sense.
I'm stunted in my own creative passions. I don't sing anymore. I don't dance anymore and I surely don't write out my heart as much as I once did. I am working towards becoming this beautiful being that God created. I am happy being me -- but I don't know how to tell you.
I have so many wonderful praises, concerns, hurts, fears and joys that I wish I can share. Although I have a million words to write, I can't quite put a single thought down to where it makes any sense.
I'm stunted in my own creative passions. I don't sing anymore. I don't dance anymore and I surely don't write out my heart as much as I once did. I am working towards becoming this beautiful being that God created. I am happy being me -- but I don't know how to tell you.
Monday, June 21, 2010
My "I" Story
I have owned and operated a Mary Kay business since November 2008. I was hesitant to get involved because my mother practically raised me to run away from all of those cake-faced, big-haired, blue eye shadow-wearing, Pepto Bismol-pink Cadillac-driving crazy ladies. Lo and behold...I aspire to be as hugely successful as those women are.
My message to you all -- don't knock til you try it! I firmly believed I was the last person on earth to have started a Mary Kay business. I have a professional background in marketing and PR in technology, sports and entertainment. Makeup was the last thing I ever wanted to base a career on. But guess what, folks?! Mary Kay isn't all about slinging lipstick on your back and knocking on doors from dusk til dawn to make a living! This highly lucrative and lifestyle changing career is about so much more!
I have come from a very fortunate and thriving professional background and I'm skeptical when it comes to those multi-level marketing/pyramid scheme opportunities. I always believed working for someone else and fulfilling their company's goals and missions was going to make me successful and wealthy. Praise God...I learned early on that I was so wrong!
I graduated from the University of North Texas Cum Laude with a degree in Journalism. I knew early on what I was meant to do in the corporate world. Straight out of college, I worked in a glamorous PR position then was personally hired by a self-made billionaire entrepreneur to implement marketing strategies for his start-up businesses. Looking back, I've had it pretty darn good -- in fact -- many can say I had the "dream jobs."
I've worked a total of 5+ years in those 2 professional capacities. Although it appeared I had it all, my heart truly wasn't fulfilled. In the last "dream job," I admit, I was under utilized yet over allocated. I was spread out way too thin yet my talents and my potential were never truly being challenged. Everyone's perception of my day-to-day reality was so skewed. No one will ever understand how miserable I became knowing how much more I could have been doing if only I had come across an opportunity that wasn't just a dream job -- more like an opportunity that pushed me to achieve a dream life. Then I learned about the Mary Kay marketing opportunity. I heard about the business model and I learned about how quickly I can become my own boss and determine my own financial destiny.
Allow me to dispel a few misconceptions. Mary Kay is NOT a multi-level marketing business nor is it a pyramid scheme. In Mary Kay, my commission checks are made payable to me from Mary Kay Corporate and I don't take money away from my working team members. I have already surpassed my recruiter, which is something you can't do in a multi-level marketing structure. Mary Kay isn't a pyramid scheme -- those are illegal and may wind you up in jail! Mary Kay isn't just for uneducated stay-at-home moms who have too much time on their hands. Mary Kay isn't meant for natural-born salespeople. Mary Kay isn't just about home parties and playing with makeup and all things dainty and pink. Please hear my heart -- Mary Kay is about so much more.
Thanks to Mary Kay, I was able to retire myself out of the corporate world to operate my own business. It's nice to know the harder I work, the more I get paid. I decided that the Mary Kay opportunity was perfect for me. I learned that in order to become massively successful in the way I wanted to be a success, I had to work for myself!
I was tired of putting my blood, sweat and tears into something that took me away from thoughts of starting a family, serving the church and living life to the fullest. I used to work 'round the clock nearly 7 days a week stressed out with nervous anxiety each time an email came through. I learned that I could have all of these high profile accomplishments if I give myself to a profession that expected nothing less than work, work, work. I learned that in order to be successful in the company I was at, I had to put aside any hopes of becoming a mother so I can concentrate on me, me, me. I learned that job defined me and never forced me take a hard look at who I wanted to be and who God intended me to be.
So again, I praise God for the introduction of the Mary Kay business opportunity into my life. For those like me who have choosen to become actively involved in operating our own businesses under the Mary Kay corporate structure, we must adhere to the following:
Serve God first.
Serve family second.
Serve career third.
This is how life should be. It's right, it's not self-serving, it's about being a part of something that's bigger than you. Mary Kay gave me the opportunity to make God my business partner. Mary Kay has taught me lifelong lessons that no other cubicle-structured, politically organized corporate environment could provide. I have been pushed in this business not only professionally but also spiritually and personally. Taking God as my business partner has provided wealth in wisdom...which is what I've needed my entire life. I love the Christ-centered woman I have become. I love that I can share my faith to others in this business. I love that I have earned money to afford my family and friends luxuries I never could have afforded working in that J-O-B. I love how much this business has changed my life for the better.
I praise God for an open mind and an open heart to learn about this business. If I never got into Mary Kay, I wouldn't know how to be the wife my husband deserves. I've learned a new appreciation for family life and can now be at home to fulfill my wifely duties. I enjoy the simple things of home now. There's an extreme sense of satisfaction and reward knowing that my husband has less menial things to worry about and he'll always have freshly ironed shirts to wear to work. I love that I have more time to play with my three lovable pups. Most of all, I love that I can now make my life's goal to be an amazing wife and one day a loving mother. Who knew that I would ever want kids?! It's interesting to admit that Mary Kay is what brought me here. Mary Kay is what taught me life isn't just about me. I love this new woman I have become and appreciating the much finer, more simple beautiful things in this life.
Praise God for Mary Kay. I love my job!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
A friend loves at all times
This week was an incredible learning experience. I've learned who my TRUE friends are. These beautiful people do not judge me as written in the book of James 2:12-13 - We must show mercy, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful.
I will be THE first one to admit that I have hurt so many people who care for me. I have also learned that I have hurt so many others who care more for themselves than to understand the pain I've caused has nothing to do with them. My husband pointed out that for some reason the "friends" taking sides are only willing to hear one side of the heartbreaking story. There are two sides to all of this mess. We don't see this as a war of words but rather it's a spiritual battle.
Our TRUE friends not only honor the beauty of marriage but also the mere fact that in marriage, we are ONE. (Genesis 2:24) For those of you who care for my husband as a friend, then you care for me as a friend. But for those who hurt his wife, know that you hurt the husband too.
Check out the following quotes referencing the true beauty of an unconditional love found in friendship. I challenge each of you to look at your growing list of friends. If any one of them messes up, will you love them anyway?
"A friend loves at all times."
-- Proverbs 17:17.
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."-- Walter Winchell
"My friend is he who will tell me my faults in private." -- Solomon Ibn Gabirol
"Friends show their love in times of trouble..."
-- Euripides (408 B.C.)
"Friendship multiplies the good of life and divides the evil."
-- Baltasar Gracian (1647)
"One who looks for a friend without faults will have none." -- Hasidic Saying
"Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief."-- Swedish proverb
"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
-Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!" Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
I will be THE first one to admit that I have hurt so many people who care for me. I have also learned that I have hurt so many others who care more for themselves than to understand the pain I've caused has nothing to do with them. My husband pointed out that for some reason the "friends" taking sides are only willing to hear one side of the heartbreaking story. There are two sides to all of this mess. We don't see this as a war of words but rather it's a spiritual battle.
Our TRUE friends not only honor the beauty of marriage but also the mere fact that in marriage, we are ONE. (Genesis 2:24) For those of you who care for my husband as a friend, then you care for me as a friend. But for those who hurt his wife, know that you hurt the husband too.
Check out the following quotes referencing the true beauty of an unconditional love found in friendship. I challenge each of you to look at your growing list of friends. If any one of them messes up, will you love them anyway?
"A friend loves at all times."
-- Proverbs 17:17.
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."-- Walter Winchell
"My friend is he who will tell me my faults in private." -- Solomon Ibn Gabirol
"Friends show their love in times of trouble..."
-- Euripides (408 B.C.)
"Friendship multiplies the good of life and divides the evil."
-- Baltasar Gracian (1647)
"One who looks for a friend without faults will have none." -- Hasidic Saying
"Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief."-- Swedish proverb
"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
-Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!" Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Histrionic Personality Disorder
HISTRIONIC PERSONALITY DISORDER is a condition in which a person acts very emotional and dramatic in order to get attention. Symptoms include Acting or looking overly seductive, Being overly concerned with their looks, Being overly dramatic and emotional, Needing to be the center of attention, Quickly changing emotions, Believing that relationships are more intimate than they actually ARE.
Praise God for He has healed me from the Histrionic Personality Disorder I have lived with for these past 28 years. Ever since I changed my heart and am now devoted to following Christ, I can now become devoted to my husband and become the woman God intended for me to be. Only GOD knows my heart, and I have changed completely. I am not the woman I once was. I LOVE who I have chosen to become.
I was once very emotional and dramatic in order to get attention from everyone. I always acted and looked overly seductive while being concerned about how I looked when I went out of my way to be overly seductive. I craved to be the center of attention. A particular relationship I fell into was more intimate than the other party ever intended it to be.
I praise God for my dear sister in Christ who made me realize such a brutal truth about the evil that lurked inside the fiber of my being. I was evil. I was "tempted by my own evil desire, and was dragged away and was enticed." James 1:14
I am forever grateful to my sister in Christ for making me take a hard look at the ugly woman I was. I thank her for loving me enough to think about my issues and challenges that I must overcome. Thanks to her, I have someone else holding me accountable. She's a blessing. I praise God for her, my dear sister in Christ.
Praise God for He has healed me from the Histrionic Personality Disorder I have lived with for these past 28 years. Ever since I changed my heart and am now devoted to following Christ, I can now become devoted to my husband and become the woman God intended for me to be. Only GOD knows my heart, and I have changed completely. I am not the woman I once was. I LOVE who I have chosen to become.
I was once very emotional and dramatic in order to get attention from everyone. I always acted and looked overly seductive while being concerned about how I looked when I went out of my way to be overly seductive. I craved to be the center of attention. A particular relationship I fell into was more intimate than the other party ever intended it to be.
I praise God for my dear sister in Christ who made me realize such a brutal truth about the evil that lurked inside the fiber of my being. I was evil. I was "tempted by my own evil desire, and was dragged away and was enticed." James 1:14
I am forever grateful to my sister in Christ for making me take a hard look at the ugly woman I was. I thank her for loving me enough to think about my issues and challenges that I must overcome. Thanks to her, I have someone else holding me accountable. She's a blessing. I praise God for her, my dear sister in Christ.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Charm is deceptive
I'm the first person to admit this -- I can charm myself into and out of almost any situation. For those who know me, you can understand how I've used my outlandish personality to win over the hearts of everyone I meet. What the heck for?! What is even the point? Why must I prove myself to people who I owe nothing to?!
Here's where I have gone wrong -- I have put my hope in the beauty of the external. I care about what clothes hug my body most flatteringly. I care about the perfect blend of 3-color Mary Kay mineral eye shadow I splash on my eyes. I go out of my way to stand erect with what I label as class and sophistication in most social situations. But what the heck for? Well let me share, my FORMER goal in this life was to win the hearts of everyone I meet relying on external beauty and charming deceit. Why is this wrong? Because it is completely against what God has intended for my life as a Christian wife.
I was listening to a sermon online regarding the sanctification of marriage. I've learned today that the woman that God praises is directly stated in Proverbs 31:25-31. Read it NOW and enlighten yourselves!
For the first time, I am holding on ever so tightly to putting my hope in the Lord and not placing hope in my external beauty. Only God knows my heart, but I truly believe I am a woman that is clothing myself with strength and dignity...I make it a point to speak with wisdom, and faithful instruction is all I wish to share. My charm was deceptive to everyone who knew my old heart. But since I am now a woman who fears the Lord, HE will praise me. I will accept any rewards HE gives me for I have chosen to be this woman. I praise God for the change I've made with this new heart. Thanks to HIS word and HIS truth, I am NO longer in the dark.
Here's where I have gone wrong -- I have put my hope in the beauty of the external. I care about what clothes hug my body most flatteringly. I care about the perfect blend of 3-color Mary Kay mineral eye shadow I splash on my eyes. I go out of my way to stand erect with what I label as class and sophistication in most social situations. But what the heck for? Well let me share, my FORMER goal in this life was to win the hearts of everyone I meet relying on external beauty and charming deceit. Why is this wrong? Because it is completely against what God has intended for my life as a Christian wife.
I was listening to a sermon online regarding the sanctification of marriage. I've learned today that the woman that God praises is directly stated in Proverbs 31:25-31. Read it NOW and enlighten yourselves!
For the first time, I am holding on ever so tightly to putting my hope in the Lord and not placing hope in my external beauty. Only God knows my heart, but I truly believe I am a woman that is clothing myself with strength and dignity...I make it a point to speak with wisdom, and faithful instruction is all I wish to share. My charm was deceptive to everyone who knew my old heart. But since I am now a woman who fears the Lord, HE will praise me. I will accept any rewards HE gives me for I have chosen to be this woman. I praise God for the change I've made with this new heart. Thanks to HIS word and HIS truth, I am NO longer in the dark.
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