Today was Day 1 of early morning daily devotional with my husband. Although we read the Bible together almost everyday, today was the first time we got up at 6:15am for no other reason than to read the Word together. It was beautiful. I know we started our day off right.
After we read today's scripture readings, we discussed how God's Word applies in our daily lives and the struggles we're faced with. We got on the subject of persecution we're both experiencing from friends. It's tough to be ignored by those who were once near and dear to us. Add on to that the harassing comments from those who don't understand what we're trying to accomplish.
My husband and I are actively involved with Umphress Road United Methodist Church. We and other church members are racking our brains trying to raise funds to build a $1million sanctuary for this church that so desperately needs to be rebuilt. For the past couple of years, I have stood right by my husband in his efforts as the church's building committee leader. I have made it a point to support him, support the church and to involve myself in the work he's doing. I've been so bold as to speak fervently in front of the congregation about my own passions and visions for the new church building...as daunting of a task as it may seem. What makes my efforts so bold is that people see me as imperfect (and I truly am imperfect) and to them, I'm the last person to ever preach to the crowd based on my recent history of mistakes.
I have been publicly scorned for choosing to live righteously although I'm as human as any other sinner. I have become a social outcast in certain groups who choose to be seduced by the sin rather than being open minded to my intentions to make things right moving forward. It's been a spiritual struggle that empowers me to take the road less traveled. A few months ago I decided to change my heart and no longer follow the path to soulful destruction. I am no longer in control, and I will now submit to the Almighty rather than to rely on myself and to succumb to their worldly opinions.
They want a rise out of me. They want to see me suffer. They want nothing but unhappiness in my heart because THEY feel I deserve that. But who are they to judge me? Who are they to judge my past mistakes? Who are they to persecute me? Only God knows my heart and only God can be THE judge.
My husband has supported me through thick and thin. It is through his own faith in Christ that he is able to look beyond the pain to see the reward of perseverance. He makes me realize that those who rely on worldly desire may struggle with the sanctity of redemption and salvation in Christ Jesus alone. But for those who choose to accept that this life is not our own to control, empowerment and unyielding strength will prevail. I trust in the Lord and only in Christ I find strength.
The Lord does not want me to suffer. The Lord will bless me with eternal happiness. In fact, despite the chaos in our lives, we have received blessings and gifts so great they can only be heaven sent. My very wise cousin, Daniel once said that if you choose to live life the right way, then everything you dream of will fall into place. In the Word, we are taught that if we follow Christ, what we feel we truly deserve will be given to us. Amen to that!
To those individuals who have chosen to judge my heart through my past actions, I am sorry for having hurt you. I am sorry that you're left utterly confused and I'm aware that you may not know how to handle me after realizing I was capable of such a heinous crime. But I pray that you find forgiveness in your heart and you open your mind to see the beauty of faith, redemption and perseverance.
I never said I was a saint. But I will continually strive for perfection. I'm learning more and more that in this life, if we're not trying to become saints then we're doing nothing at all.
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