Supporting his success

Praise God I’ve had a change of heart. In an effort to look at the glass half full, I’m now reaping the benefits although I had another mommy-meltdown moment a few weeks ago. I had a terrible day and was exhausted physically and drained emotionally. With all of my responsibilities at home with the kids, I felt like I was drowning. I sent text messages to my husband throughout the day saying I’ve just about had it and was feeling defeated. He was extremely sensitive to my emotional and mental needs and even offered to listen to me vent right before he walked into an important meeting. I passed on that opportunity and went about my hectic day.

Later that afternoon, my husband sent a text asking if I’d be okay for him to attend a happy hour event with a colleague. I replied saying that although I was worn down from the day, I thought I would have been fine if he went out after business hours. He assured me he wouldn’t be out late. But it didn’t take long for me to become resentful and to settle into crazy stalker mode.

Around 8:00pm, I began calling him repeatedly and texting him to come home because I couldn’t handle things any longer. It seemed that I had given in to my own weaknesses and let my exhaustion take me over the edge. When my husband rushed home to rescue me, he wasn’t greeted by a hello or a thank you. Instead, I gave both babies to him, yelled stupid remarks about my dreadful day, took the car keys and “ran away” to the nearby movie theater parking lot to cry my eyes out for 10 minutes. After I had my very emotional breakdown, I went back to the house and carried on with a bitter and resentful attitude.

Looking back to that episode, I’m ashamed at my behavior and feeling so sorry for my sweet husband. He didn’t deserve that kind of treatment, and my boys should never have to see their mother act so deranged. So, I’ve made the simple decision to look at my busy life in a new light. I must always remember that neither my husband nor my boys deserve my resentful bitterness.

Earlier this year, my husband was promoted to manager of the engineering department at his company. I’m quite proud of his impactful accomplishments at his young professional age. But with this big promotion came a huge time commitment and sacrifice. My husband now works six days nearly every week. Lately he has been coming home just before 7pm. He travels internationally and domestically and is a manager overseeing 9 other engineers. He is busy and we praise God for the job security. But that means I have become even busier here at home since he’s out working for his hard-earned money.

There are times I pressure him to come home immediately so he can relieve the stress I feel from the kids. The poor guy gets pressure from his demanding job and pressure from his demanding wife. But all of this madness is changing, slowly but surely, for the better. I’ve only now realized my husband cannot be great at what he does if I’m not great at what I do.

My husband has an important job as the provider and protector of this family. It’s my wifely duty to make sure everyone in his family is loved and cared for in all ways. I better not forget, it’s Biblical to live the womanly role managing my household while my husband is at the office working to support and provide for us.

So I have started to support him in the best way I know how. Most recently, I happily packed his bags with clean laundry for a tradeshow he had in Las Vegas. I got up at the crack of dawn to masterfully prepare his breakfast sandwich of choice… Nutella spread wedged between three layers of whole grain toast with a thermos of searing hot coffee.

Prior to his trip, I stayed up super late one night to critique a slideshow presentation that he delivered to his company’s executives and international sales team. That turned out to be a fun night. Helping him prepare for that big-time presentation was more than satisfying…it was so rewarding.

He has assured me these little tasks have helped him in his day-to-day grind, but they’re nowhere near as vital to his success as my attitude and acceptance of the truth. It’s that Biblical truth that I firmly hold on to and come back to whenever I get distracted or discouraged when living out my role. This role I play oftentimes beats me down emotionally and physically. This role I have accepted is not always convenient nor is it my preference when my selfish ambition creeps in. Being wife and mother can seem like the most difficult and thankless job, and I become resentful sometimes. But these are my faults and my weaknesses. I think being a wife and mom is about self-sacrifice. I give so much of myself everyday so everyone around me can be great, and praise God that I can and that I do.

I find great fulfillment in my daily life knowing that my husband sees just how hard I work at home. Perhaps my stay-at-home wife and mom career will help my husband advance in his career path? Well it actually isn’t a question. He is moving on up and experiencing bigger and better things at work, and I’m so proud of his accomplishments. I can only imagine his value and potential at his company. I’m not trying to take credit for my husband’s success. But I do find great reward knowing that when I do my best in my job, he succeeds as well. I doubt I can find that kind of fulfillment anywhere else.

At the end of every day when I’m exhausted and beaten down after giving my all to my boys, I am eternally grateful. I praise God for the family He’s given me and I humbly accept the role He expects of me. I have never felt so needed by so many people. I feel I’m being used as God intended because I’m the one at home handling our ongoing responsibilities, appointments and obligations. I feel like all that I do here is one less thing for my overworked husband to worry about. So I will continue doing my best and being my best with the intention of lightening his already burdensome load. I’ll do what I gotta do because we need him to be great too.

My mommy job

In previous posts, I have gone on and on about being a stay-at-home wife and mom. I’m not great at it, but I definitely want to improve. Everyday I learn something new about my role in this family. Everyday I have to become more creative in how I manage the household while raising two boys so close in age. Man, motherhood is hard!

I had an emotional breakdown the other day. I’m guessing my postpartum baby blues may have something to do with just how dramatic I was. But regardless, I was a wreck as I struggled with my current mommy demands and my own selfish ambition. Although I’m embarrassed to share the details, I feel compelled to put it out there.

I’d like to first reference a light-hearted conversation that my husband and I had during our last trip to Los Angeles, CA earlier this year. As we drove past the high-end luxury boutiques of Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills, my husband said he would be willing to relocate our family if ever I got a job working for the Los Angeles based television network that I secretly dream of working for one day. So flashbacking to that chat, I went out of my way to see online job postings at this particular TV network. To my surprise, I found a couple of positions that I am qualified for. I swear, my heart skipped a beat. Adrenaline began to rush through my veins and I became so engrossed in my own thoughts that I immediately began tweaking my latest job resume draft. At that moment, I had considered applying for a job. I even went so far as to ask my husband during his busy day at work if I could apply for a position at the network.

I got so lost in my own thoughts. Without hesitation, I began strategizing our family’s big move to sunny California. It didn’t matter how much my plans seemed unreasonable and/or illogical. I committed myself to this ideal situation that my husband would find a new job, I would get the job at this network, my parents would retire their lives in Texas to be our live-in nannies in California, and we would take our two pups along for the ride. It’s so insane, right? Well at the time, I don’t like to admit that I thought it was a brilliant scheme.

When my husband came home from a long day of work, I was so eager to share my plan with him. Never did it occur to me that my plan was obnoxious. I thought that since my husband once said he would support me if a professional opportunity came my way then he would be on my same page cheering me on as he always does. When he broke it down for me and challenged me to reason out my poor strategy, I was crushed. Knocking some sense into my overzealous mind, I shut down because I realized my husband was right. My pride wouldn’t let me budge at first, and I became emotionally distant from him because I didn’t want to hear what I needed to hear. Thankfully, it later occurred to me that I was going against everything I am working so hard to fulfill as a stay-at-home wife and mother. Why would I even consider such a radical upheaval of my family’s privileged roots in Texas to fulfill a secret career dream? More disgustingly, why would I ever consider having someone else raising my kids so I could earn a living working some dream job when I don’t have to?

I will admit that I struggle everyday about leaving the workforce to fulfill a full-time responsibility at home. I will admit that sometimes, I cringe thinking that I could have “had it all” being a working mom while juggling my former “dream job.” Sometimes when I’m really feeling down, I don’t consider the luxury of staying at home a privilege but more of a hindrance to what could potentially be my thriving career. Yuck…I’m so selfish and so disappointed with myself. How did I get here and why do I still want more when I have so much to be thankful for?

I can’t help but wonder do other stay-at-home moms regret stopping work outside the home when they’re most needed by their husband and children? Or am I the only self-centered woman out there who struggles with her selfish ambitions?

Postpartum Plan to My Pre-Pregnancy Pounds

Two days ago I had my postpartum doctor’s visit, and praise God, all is good and I’m totally cleared to begin working out. I’m inclined to publish my postpartum plan to regain my pre-pregnancy body…my reason being for accountability. I need to share what I plan to do to keep me disciplined and motivated to achieve results. I’m a firm believer in that results only happen if you track your progress. (I’ve learned that from managing my Mary Kay business.) So, consider this photo taken yesterday of yours truly as the jump starter to my weight loss transformation.

Today was Day 2 of my work out plan and although it would have been so easy to stay snuggled next to my son and my husband, I forced myself to get out of bed and hit the gym at 6:30am. I’m so glad I did. My plan is to stick to a dedicated cardio routine everyday for the next two weeks so my body can get reacquainted with exercise. It’s been a good two years since I’ve had a regular workout routine. God willing, I will begin a full out work out regimen with a buddy beginning on September 6th. The plan is to lose 25-30 pounds before Christmas. God, please help me!

I don’t mean to bore you with these details. Again, I just have to hold myself accountable for the mission I’m trying so hard to accomplish. And for the record, I gotta say that these past two days of cardio first thing in the morning has helped me feel the happiest I have felt since I had Baby Eli. I’ve struggled with the baby blues for the past few weeks. Who knew that a burst of endorphins would help me come out of my postpartum funk? I gotta keep this awesome routine up!

Dear Lord, help me to stay healthy, to stay motivated and to stay focused on the end result. Let the transformation begin!

The nanny

I received a handwritten thank you note from our nanny who went back to college a week ago. To be honest, I’ve read her thank you note at least four times. Each time I get through it, I get choked up.

She spent the most grueling of times with me while I was finishing up my second pregnancy. She even worked during those daunting weeks of recovery after Eli’s C-section delivery. She had seen me through my roller coaster trip of hormonal rages. She had seen me with makeup and when I confidently felt I looked my best. She had also seen me stripped down to a bare-naked face full of blemishes and imperfections. As Isaac’s nanny, she basically experienced the good and the bad with me in the most candid and intimate way.

Her thank you note completely caught me off guard. I will spare you the details, but her words were appreciative coupled with a spiritual sense of sincerity. It’s a beautiful letter. I was touched by her words, not just because she seemed genuine, but more importantly because she saw how I live my faith and in her note claimed to want the same for her own life. To her, I am a good wife and a good mother. But above all, she believes that I’m a God-fearing woman who inspires her to be “always faithful in God’s plan.” Her compliments are the nicest praises I have ever received.

I can preach on and on about what my Christian faith has done for me in these life-changing past three years. But I worry that for those who read this blog as their only connection to my innermost thoughts, I may sound fake and pretentious. Strike that…I was once told to my face that on this blog I sound totally fake and when I speak of my faith, I seem “brainwashed.” Ouch! For those who feel the same way, I’m sorry that you do.

If I have been “brainwashed,” it’s only been a good thing for my life and for those around me. It seems that to those who are looking for insincerity and imperfection, my faithful words mean nothing. But to this particular woman who has seen me living my life in my daily walk with Christ, I’m empowering by my actions alone. Her words mean more to me than she will ever know. Truly God has blessed my life by allowing me to be a witness to her.

For my son, Isaac and future son, Eli

I’m now just over a week away from meeting my second son, Eli. I’m up at 3:30am and experiencing another night of sleeplessness. In pregnancy, it’s something I’m all too familiar with. About an hour ago, I came across a beautiful rendition of Bob Dylan’s “To Make You Feel My Love” by the incomparable Adele.



Music has always been a huge part of my life. I’m proud to say I come from a musically inclined family. My maternal grandparents have shaped and encouraged my love for music. I’m enlivened by an innate passion to sing and to reflect on my life when the perfect melody meets the directness of heart-wrenching lyrics.

I found THE perfect song to someday sing to my son, Isaac and future son, Eli. This will be the anthem commemorating how I strive to be for them. I can safely say no other ballad has touched me the way this cover has. I think it’s the ultimate love song.

With great ambition, I want to be the very best God-fearing woman and mother for my sons in every way possible. I pray my efforts somehow empower them to never settle for anything less than the beautiful men God has created them to be.

“I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love,
To make you feel my love”

But above all else, I’m hoping it clearly explains their mother’s unconditional love.

Let the countdown begin!

I’m in my final four weeks of pregnancy with Baby Eli. I’m scheduled for a C-section delivery on July 2 but am praying that Eli will be delivered the vaginal way. Call me crazy, but I would love to experience my water breaking and the torment of laboring for hours. My mom says I’m not missing out on much. But I’ll take 17 hours of labor over the intense weeks of recovery from a C-section surgery…bleh!

So far, I’ve gained roughly 31-34 lbs. The scale says something different every morning when I weigh myself after I get out of bed and before I put anything into my enormous stomach. My belly is SO huge these days, and I can’t seem to get myself to take pictures now that I’m so far along in my pregnancy. I am HUGE and no angle is flattering. But I feel guilty that Eli doesn’t have baby bump pictures to look back on. Hopefully I will come to my senses and will take some pictures before we all meet the little guy.

In about two weeks, I’ve been encouraged to take a last chance sonogram to see just how big this baby boy is. I was told if he’s anywhere below 8 pounds, I have a greater chance of delivery vaginally. If he’s anywhere over 8 pounds, the safe and smart route would be surgery. Isaac weighed almost 9 pounds at birth. It would be a shock to us all if Eli weighed less than that.

For those of you who read this blog, I ask you to please keep our family, Baby Eli, and myself in your prayers. We’re in the home stretch and although I’m more uncomfortable than ever, I’m so anxious to hold this baby in my arms and witness Isaac’s first reaction to his little baby brother. Thanks, everyone!

There's no business like MOM business

I’m officially 100% all in as a stay-at-home wife and mom. I made the bold attempt to maintain my marketing contract jobs alongside my Mary Kay home business while raising my son. I’m grateful for the income earning opportunities, and it’s a luxury to be able to do what I love as a profession. But no matter how hard I try to juggle it all, none have been remarkably successful. Not one has yielded a return worth the time I sacrifice away from my husband and son who deserve my undivided attention. I have come to realize that trying to be the mom who “does it all” is not the way I want to live this life because my work is most efficient when put into a role like no other – motherhood.



I’ve had a huge wake up call over the past few months thanks to life lessons, my faith and the spiritual wisdom I’ve gained. I graciously accept that while it’s my responsibility it’s also a privilege to stay home and raise our family. My calling is to work towards being a loving wife, an organized house manager, and a nurturing stay-at-home mom above all other things.



For the mothers who have the strength and perseverance to juggle work outside of the home while maintaining her family and home, I highly respect each one of them. I have attempted juggling work life and family priorities, and I was not as successful as others are. It’s not my forte, and I respect the mothers who have found that balance.

I just think I’ve been in denial for most of my son’s life. I really thought that doing the job I love while raising children would yield satisfaction and balance for me. I learned through trial and error that was absolutely not the case.

When great opportunities have come my way, I was once so eager to pursue them. I would think to myself, “Why would I ever pass up a fun work project that paid good money?” I thought it would be crazy to walk away from that. So, I hired part-time help to assist me in managing work projects and my self-owned business so that I could care for my son. It took less than three months for me to see failure from that poorly constructed strategy.

I cannot do it all nor am I expected to. The only priorities that I truly care to do well are being here at home for my husband and for my son. It puts me at ease knowing I’m the one changing every poopy diaper. There is great satisfaction when I’m the one maintaining the house the way I expect it to run. To me, there is no job that could ever be as important or life changing as raising my child. In my opinion, there is no other investment more promising than being a mother who is (and can be) 100% vested in her family’s future. There is no greater sense of peace when realizing I’m blessed to be at this point in life and I’m blessed with all that I have.

I pray I don’t give in to my own selfish ambitions. I pray that my family never has to take a backseat just because a job demands my greatest commodity…my time. I pray that God gives me His work until my life shall end and life until my most important work is done.