I believe life happens in God’s time. I’m now at a point where He’s blessing me with several opportunities to once again pursue some “dream jobs.” His timing is impeccable with His blessings. Now that Isaac is a little older, God is blessing me with a chance to find myself professionally with three big-time opportunities. It’s so exciting but overwhelming at the same time.
Within the past two weeks, I’ve been asked to use my talents and interest in sales and promotions for a local TV personality and wedding planning extraordinaire. Also, a former NFL player has asked me to help share his unique sports marketing concept to potential investors. Lastly, a former colleague has personally referred me for a position that demands my marketing/sales background to counsel non-profits in their fundraising efforts. These opportunities combined are basically what I’ve been searching for these past two years since I retired myself out of the corporate world. If I were to fully commit myself to any one, I think I might find great reward and fulfillment. But here is the catch…I believe these are all a test and so far, I’m not sure I can pass.
God has blessed my husband I with this beautiful, healthy baby boy. I’m a mother now and always will be…first and foremost. I would rather NOT put any other J-O-B in front of my motherly and wifely responsibilities. Just the other day I was feeding my son. Instead of cherishing the moment as another intimate bonding experience with him, I was more concerned about the business emails I had to write. At that time, I didn’t see anything wrong with being preoccupied in that sense.
I shared that incident with my husband, and praise God that I did although it was hard for me to admit to him. But my husband got me to see that being preoccupied with anything other than my nursing child at that very moment puts other “priorities” before baby. I didn’t realize that at that moment I was not being a mom first and foremost. So now here I am blogging with insomnia about that painful realization.
For just over three years, I had the dream job working in sports and entertainment. I chose to let that job take over my life. I let that job come over my marriage and family. I managed to make that job my life. As hindsight is always 20-20, I will be first to admit what a horribly self-centered and arrogant person I was when working at that job. It wasn’t my job’s fault. It was my choice to do it all for myself and no one else. Geez, I hate admitting that.
My baby boy is over five months old, and I’m approaching the last few months of breastfeeding. God willing, my plan is to exclusively breastfeed at least another two to three months. Motherhood has been amazing with all of the challenges and triumphs I’ve experienced with this phenomenal child. But with all of these opportunities to take my professional career to the next level, He is testing me to see what matters more, success in business or success in motherhood?
In my mind and in my heart, baby comes first. But in recent situations, that doesn’t seem to be consistent. So now I’m taking the time to do a lot of soul searching and praying. God always sends me signs and I know to ask Him to lead the way. I’m being the best mom I know how to be while realizing there is always room for improvement. I always question everything yet deny the solutions that are best. I LOVE being a mom, but can I be appreciative of the privilege I have to stay at home and raise my child? It’s definitely a test to see where my priorities truly are.
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