A New Year = A New Me

Back in ’09, I made horrendous choices to live by my own sinful pursuits and to rely on my own selfish gains…I chose the ultimate form of betrayal. I saw sin as sexy and secretly lived a double life. Since no one knew, how could I ever be ashamed of who I was pretending to be? I lived in this fantasy island where denial kept reality at a distance. I was not loyal…I was not kind…I was purely selfish and hurtful.

To my dismay, YOU knew all along. You sensed it from the start and although I dismissed my own premonitions of what could go terribly wrong, I flirted with sin anyway. I let go of you and was no longer devoted. I took my life in my own hands and played with fire. I knew that lifestyle was not worth living, especially at the expense of your unconditional love for me. But I knew what I wanted, and I went for it completely disregarding your kindness, your loyalty and your love for me. I was a woman on a mission. I made it happen because I so badly wanted to. I turned away from you…my world, my everything. You have always given me more than I ever thought I deserved…from material to spiritual. And in return, I betray you by choosing a life without YOU.

As life has its way of opening our eyes to what’s real and righteous, I finally got caught in the act. I had two choices…I could run away and continue to pursue my own selfish gains or I could do what’s right for once in my life. I made the decision to become submissive, to work towards faithful loyalty and to learn what it’s like to put others before me. It was the toughest thing to do but the easiest decision to have made. I chose to understand the meaning of TRUE love. It took this devastating lifestyle choice to get me out of the bottom-dwelling hell I secretly thrived in.

Now more than ever, I want you back in my life as my leader, my best friend and my provider. I want to know love like I’ve never known how great it can be. I want to wholeheartedly love and give back to you for all you’ve done for me…although I may not deserve it. I love you and can honestly admit how shallow my love once was. It took that life of sinful choices for me to finally get it.

I’m so happy for 2010 to come to a close, and I’m thankful to be ending this year on such a high note. This year I had to face damning consequences as a result to my irresponsibility. But looking back over this tumultuous year, I come to realize it’s been THE best year of my entire life. I have lived, loved and learned so much about friends, family, myself and my faith. More importantly, I’ve learned what gracious rewards await me should I choose a new life of doing good and working to be right.

So thank you for this second chance and for this new life. My promise to you is to remain devoted with a desire to live a life truly worth living. I will never leave you and will never forsake you ever again. This life isn’t my own…we’re in this together. I come only second to you. I can never repay you for all that you’ve done for me, but from this moment on I will love you, my God. Heavenly Father, I promise you this.
"I’ve strayed, O Lord, and turned aside,
I’ve disobeyed Your voice;
But now contrite of heart I turn
And make Your will my choice." — D. De Haan